Wow, no thank you : essays / Samantha Irby.

Into the gross -- Girls gone mild -- Hung up! -- Late-1900s time capsule -- Love and marriage -- Are you familiar with my work? -- Hysterical! -- Lesbian bed death -- Body negativity -- Country crock -- A guide to simple home repairs -- We almost got a fucking dog -- Detachment parenting -- Season 1, episode 1 -- Hollywood summer -- -- Hello, 911? -- An extremely specific guide to publishing a book.

Irby is forty, and increasingly uncomfortable in her own skin despite what Inspirational Instagram Infographics have promised her. She has left her job as a receptionist at a veterinary clinic, has published successful books and has been friendzoned by Hollywood, left Chicago, and moved into a house with a garden that requires repairs and know-how with her wife in a Blue town in the middle of a Red state where she now hosts book clubs and makes mason jar salads. This is the bourgeois life of a Hallmark Channel dream. She goes on bad dates with new friends, spends weeks in Los Angeles taking meetings with "tv executives slash amateur astrologers" while being a "cheese fry-eating slightly damp Midwest person," "with neck pain and no cartilage in [her] knees," who still hides past due bills under her pillow. The essays in this collection draw on the raw, hilarious particulars of Irby's new life.

English